Memorial Day Flowers... For me... or For you??

I am 26 years old and I already have two huge bags full of flowers for graves. Every year I visit the places my friends and family were buried and I place fake flowers by their headstones. To many it is a sign of respect to the dead. To me it is a reminder of how much I missed them.

I missed having Josh in my class and sitting behind him while he talked about Utah Jazz. I missed having Jason in my class being loud and crazy! I miss having Kyle walk through my yard or stopping to ask if I wanted to play football. I miss Briar and his sense of humor and Kandy and her love for Christ. I miss Lisa and her smile from the second pew. I miss Mark and his ability to just be around when I was playing with his daughter, I miss Craig and the joy he brought to his son's lives, I miss Zeb and Justin and their friendship with my brother, I miss Tracy and her love for her small little girl, I miss Grandpa, everything about him, Nick THE soldier :)  the list goes on... There are so many people that have graced us with their presence for 40 years and some who graced us with 10 years.

Out of respect for them we place flowers on their graves even though we know there is nothing there. Under that headstone is dirt which covers the casket that holds the bones. But the bones are just bones, the ashes are just ashes. I know they are in heaven now having more joy they we can ever imagine. I just hope they are saving a place for me!!!

Zoo What????

Today my son was pretending to pay his dad to go into the zoo. He would walk up and give his dad his "money" then dad would open the "gate" (move his legs) and my kiddo would push his stroller through to see the animals. As a family we have went to the zoo several times but it got me thinking....

We pay money to look at animals in cages... I was starting to wonder if this was just an American thing or if it was also common in other countries. Also, the zoos here in the states have several "exotic" animals we would only see in other countries... so do other countries have North American animals?? So, I did a bit of research and here is what I found....

Other countries rarely have North American animals in their zoos, but some do. For example, there is a zoo in Bangkok that has a rattlesnake but nothing else from North America. The more I researched the more I was disgusted with what I saw. I read up on zoo located in China. This zoo has animals in tiny little cages with concrete floors. Where is the grass? Where is the freedom to move about?? Below is a pic. take from Bejing Wildlife Park

Below is a pic of a cage the size of a jail cell taken at Higashiyam​a Zoo and Botanical Gardens in Japan. This is a sloth bear and he has a tiny little cell to leave in....

This next picture was also taken in Japan at Hirakawa Zoological Park. I thought zoos were supposed to be used to help animals and rehabilitate them...

Mistreatment continues in Canda at Hirakawa Zoological Park. Really how many animals do we need to squeeze into a room??

I am not trying to say other countries do not take care of their animals and we do. In fact, I read that there are several zoos in China that take good care of their animals. I just got a thought in my head and when I started looking at things it really got me thinking....

You Can't Stop Change

To change life, or just leave it has it is... things are the things I ponder. Soon I will be finishing my bachelors in human services with an emphasis in victim/survivor services. I have worked hard to obtain this degree. Before I am done I will have completed FOUR 180 hour internships plus 5 semesters of FULL course loads. Along with going to school, and having internships I also work full time and have a four year old son.

At my current job I work evening shift which I love because I do not have to be up at any certain time every day so I can just let me son wake me whenever he gets out of bed. However, starting in August I will be working 20 hours (during the day) a week an hour drive away from my house and then working my full time job from 5-1 at night, and my son will be 5 and going to school from 8-3. For four months I will hardly ever see my son and it upsets me a lot. I am used to being with him all the time and I do not want to give that up. However, if I do not graduate (i am so close) then I did all the work for nothing... if I do graduate I will need to get a different job... SCARY!!!

I have been at my current place of employment for almost 6 years. Change is so scary. On top of that my family and I were thinking about moving to Colorado. I would love to have a "day job" so I can spend nights with my family, but the change scares me....

Relay for Life

So, it is getting to be the time for Relay for Life. I am looking forward to getting to know more SURVIVORS!! As you would know my preacher's wife Lisa recently passed away from lung cancer and our church is putting together a team called "Lisa's Zebras" so participate in the Relay for Life.

In 2005 I lost my paternal grandfather to lung cancer also. Relay for Life is done to help raise money for cancer research! What we have now in painful chemo treatments. A friend of mine is currently battling bone cancer and she has some days where she cannot get out of bed to spend time with her children. Supporting finding the cure for cancer is very dear to my heart. If anyone wants to help that would be so awesome!!!
http://www.relayforlife.org/

A Little Over a Year Later

It has been over a year since I was in Haiti but the stories I heard and the things I saw are always going to be with me. When I was there I witnessed a delivery of 8 lb baby girl twins. I held baby A while baby B was making her way into the world. Baby A was later named Gabriella. I like to think Baby A (Gabriella) got her first hugs and loves from me....

Since then I have learned Gabriella's father passed away and both twins were given up for adoption. They were adopted by Yvrose who I got to know while I was in Haiti. She is a very nice woman who loves children. She has several children she did not give birth to but that does not stop her from loving them. I first meet Yvrose when we were doing surgery on one of her sons, she was in the room with us and had to help hold down his legs. She held her sons legs and cried and I just put my hand on her back in the only form of comfort I could offer at the time. He did not take the anesthetic well and the surgery was not done.

I found out recently Gabriella passed away. Yvrose contacted me on facebook and said "She got sick with a fever the night before, which was gone after taking medication; she had it again in the morning and Pierre Richard took him Wednesday morning to the hospital. She was transfered by HCM to PAP, two hospitals refused her for lack of space, she was already losing oxygen. When He arrived with her at the others hospital where she died, 6 american doctors cared for her for like 8-9 hours. They said that it was an infection on her brain. She is with her real daddy. I wish she were with us here"

Rest in peace sweet baby. God had a plan for you and you must have meet His plan. You will always be in my heart even if I only knew you for a short time. Can't wait to get to heaven and hold you again baby A :)

Tax Time... BLAH

The month of Feb. is usually about people and their taxes. I get to hear about how they are getting 10,000 dollars back even though they only worked part time. Or getting 12,000 dollars back because they have three kids and did not work all year. Well... good for you I guess... Honestly it just irritates me. What you get back for your taxes should be your business because those of us who get little to nothing after working all year do not want to hear about it.

I would be happy if I could get back at least what I paid in. No such luck on that. The state of Kansas also likes to take MORE money from my family because obviously 3 grand was not enough. Pretty sure the people on unemployment and welfare do not have to pay into state or federal but STILL get money back!

Okay, so I am not doggin on welfare people or unemployed people. I am simply saying don't rub it in my face that you have been sitting on your butt all year and get backs thousands while my husband and I worked all year and got back... WAY LESS THAN THOUSANDS!!! If people need welfare, I say go for it. If they need unemployment, go for it! But why does the government give them back tons of money but being on it??

I constantly get the same answer... "you make too much money".. REALLY?? If you saw my checking account balance or the bills I pay every month you would not make that assumption. So I say Dear Kansas, give me some food stamps, cash assistance, pay my rent, pay my utilities, then send me 10 grand at the beginning of the New Year...

Usually I don't get too worked up about tax season because I just pay what I have to pay to Kansas. And I am thankful if I break even on federal. But this year I filed then received a letter from the state of Kansas. They want MORE money because apparently the amount I paid last year wasn't good enough!

Thanks Dream Crusher

As the semester started out I was pretty stoked because I knew it meant one semester closer to accomplishing my goal of a Bachelor's degree in Human Services with an emphasis in Victim/Survivor Services. I have been looking at jobs recently in Colorado that require my degree so I can find a job before my family moves to Colorado. So... I found a job that I really felt I would be good at and enjoy it was "child protection case worker." Well, one of my professors asked us what our career goal was, so I told her. Her response "You can't do that in Kansas unless you have a degree in Social Work" My response "Is that true for Colorado too because I saw the job posting and it stated "Bachelors in Social Work or similar degree" and of course I had to add p.s. now I have to look for a new career...thanks"

So, in the first week of this semester I have had one professor crush my dreams... I only have four other professors this semester so I don't think I could get crushed much more.....