Our Messed Up System

In my mind I had this idea to go to graduate school. I was so excited when I found the college that was perfect for me. It is online, non-profit, and I can finish in a year. Also, the cost was not very high compared to the price of my Bachelors. My BAS in Human Services and Victim/Survivor services cost me around 35,000 dollars. My Master’s degree in HS and marriage and family counseling would only be 14,000. I say “only” very lightly because that is actually a LOT of money, but cheap as far as higher education in the US. After finding the school, applying, and getting accepted I found out the bad news.

Apparently I do not qualify for federal assistance because I have a Bachelor’s degree. In fact, my fafsa stated “You do not qualify for grants because you have an undergraduate degree. You do not qualify because you are seeking a graduate degree.” Ugh!!  Now I am searching online for scholarships, grants, and loans for graduate degrees. So far I have not had much luck. I have applied for several scholarships in the past but have never received them. This year I am going to do a different route and choose essay scholarships. Hopefully I will obtain some money for school.

If I do not receive the funds my education will be at a standstill. I cannot afford to pay the money out of pocket. So without some aid I will just have to stick with my Bachelor’s. Maybe I will be one of those people who go back to school at the age of 40 because I MAY be able to afford it by then.

 I find it so frustrating that as a middle class family I cannot afford to attend college, nor do I qualify for assistance. However, if I quit my job and live off the government I can get all my school paid for. Too bad I have values and self-worth…

Going Green

So I decided on going a little bit more green. I am not the type of person to drive an electric car. Not saying I wouldn’t I just can’t afford one!!! I also like to be able to pass people at a reasonable speed rather than slowly creep past them long enough for them to memorize my face. Hence, my ability to be pulled over twice in two days. Although that was completely off track of what I was initially going to talk about, so back to the original topic of this particular blog. Going green.

Anyway, my first step is homemade laundry soap. I have heard many people talk about using it and how it works, so I have decided to jump on this bandwagon. I am tired of paying 20 dollars or more for laundry detergent that barely gets my clothes clean. I am allergic to most detergents so I have to us a hypo allergic form of soap. So, I am going to try to make my own.

Ingredients are: boarx, hammer super wash baking soda, fels-naptha laundry bar soap

Things you need: a cheese grader, bowl, and an air tight container to store the soap in.

So, it seems pretty simple, and like I said, many people say it works. I will be the next person to make my own soap and save money.. maybe… I am not sure how it will go but the items needed are only going to cost me about 10 dollars. The actually ingredients are only about 6.50 but I have to buy a cheese grader. I have no idea why I don’t own one.. apparently I never have needed one in the 8 years I have lived with my husband.

Anyway, I will let you know how it goes as soon as I find the time between two jobs and grad school to mix it up! Then maybe I will try to make my own shampoo and conditioner.

They Say It's Your Birthday

10 more days… 10 more days until I turn one year older. My birthday usually consists of me going to work. Or it has since I started working at a young age. I don’t know what it is about birthdays but I don’t like them, at least when they are mine. I feel like the day should be special and it never is. Or at least it does not reach my level of special. When I was younger I always wondered if the man known as my father would call, or forget me. My mother could do something really special and it still wouldn’t meet the “special” criteria because the phone call never came.

As I got older my birthdays became less important. The important birthdays were those of my child and my friend’s children. Of course I would still text my friends, call, or facebook them on their birthdays but it really does become about the kids.

Last year I worked (of course), and I was not very happy with myself. I felt like I had not accomplished much in my life. This year I am happy to have accomplished so much in the past year. Honestly it has been a year of changes, and I am sure there are many more to come.

My birthday will be here in Feb 21^st and I will be 27 years old. Not very old in many people’s minds but I often feel the numbers do not match my mind. I will of course be working all day, but that is fine. I have the weekend after my birthday to celebrate. And celebrate I will because I planned my own “special” time this year and I look forward to it!

It Is My Right

Well, New York you have officially become the first state to give Obama a high five and get on his gun ban ”wagon”. Since I do not live in New York, it really does not affect me. However, if this is something all states are going to start passing I may be in a bit of trouble. According to the New York Post the new ban in New York not only bans assault rifles but also requires that a gun cannot hold more than 7 bullets. Hate to tell you New York, but it only takes one bullet to kill a person.

I am a supporter of the right to bear arms. I am not a supporter of nut jobs killing people. Nor am I a supporter of mass shootings. However, I would like to be able to defend myself if I ever find myself in a situation in which I need to. Granted, I only need one bullet strategically placed to kill someone, it would still be a pain to get all new guns because mine do not meet regulations.

I understand the fear people have of “assault” rifles and guns in general. Having the right to bear arms is something Americans fight for. We fight for the right to defend ourselves and our families. The government will not step in if I am being attacked. The government will not step in if my house is being broken into. The government will not step in if someone is holding my son hostage. It is my right to defend, and sometimes that means using a gun.

 I could take years of karate, judo, or other defense classes but it would not protect me from all things. Imagine if my 5ft 3 self was attacked in a parking lot by a man who was 6ft 3 250lbs and his intent was to rape me. The self defense classes may be able to hold him off for a little bit, but he would keep coming. I could scream for help, but what if no one heard me. I could scream no but what if he didn’t listen. Now… if I pulled out my .380 and pointed it at him, he may change his mind. If the government takes my right to own a firearm, they are leaving me like raw meat to a lion.

Many have said it, and many more will… but… the “bad guys” will get guns no matter what kind of ban if put in place. Criminals break laws, that is why they are criminals. It is the people who follow the laws that fall victim. Giving up our guns will not stop violence, I feel it may increase it.

My Body My Canvas

My body is my canvas;

The canvas tells my story;

Permanently inked;

Marked by my choice;

Beautiful on the outside;

Hides ugly stories inside;

My artful expression;

Left to interpretation;

Judge me not;

You do not know my story.

No Shame in My Game

As the year is coming to an end I find myself looking back at what I have done. Have I done anything significant? Maybe I have. I have taken time to play with my son. When I say play I do not mean be at home while he plays in his room. I mean getting on the floor and playing games. We have played cards, board games, cars, and of course the ever so blessedly invented Legos. It may not be significant to others, but it certainly was to me.

I have made my life by working hard and continue to do so. I look at my 5 year old son and smile because he is a part of me. His laugh is contagious and his sense of humor is fantastic. I am not even sure how I received such a large blessing but I am forever grateful to God for thinking I did deserve him.

I have also taken time to have a few date nights with my husband. Although those have been few and far between they were still important to me. Once we went to see a movie and he slept through the whole thing. Although I found myself wondering why I just paid 8 dollars for him to have a nap. I realized he was tired and probably did not want to go but went anyway for me. Thus making it significant to me.

As my life has passed by quickly and not without pain I also know I am the cause of some of that pain. I have hurt people in my life and will forever be sorry. However, I do not regret the mistakes I made. The mistakes made me and continue to make me who I am. I would not be me without my flaws mixed in. I think things would be easier and love would flow with more ease, but life it what you make it. There are things I have done that I would never want anyone to know, but if someone asks me about it, the truth they shall receive. I cannot hide from things I have done because they would be sure to sneak up on me. My life now is wonderful and past offenses are forgotten because there is no shame in my game.

I Am Getting You NOTHING For Christmas

Ah Christmas. The time of year we all spend hundreds of dollars to buy gifts for people who probably only see once a year. I find myself thinking about getting them nothing. Not to be malicious or rude but just because what is the point? I buy them some little thing that I can barely afford, they say thank you, and then we do not speak again until the next Christmas. Usually the gift I get them is something they will never even use, because how am I suppose to know about their life when we only see each other that one time I year.

                Now the kids are different right? Everyone buys for kids. The problem there is I cannot ever remember how old they are, or what their names are, because as stated before, I see them once a year. I walked into Christmas dinner today and my niece looked at me and said, “Who are you?” I looked back at her and said, “Don’t worry you only see me once a year.” Now, as I talk about this I am talking about extended family that lives farther away. The family that lives close I know them, and see them often so it is easier to buy for them.

                But.. why am I buying gifts? I can barely afford to get my son the three gifts he gets from “santa” every year. So, it may make some people mad this year or they may not even care but they aren’t getting gifts from me. I will make something to bring to dinner and that will be my contribution.

                Gifts for Christmas are becoming more and more over rated. My son is 5 years old and since he was born he has gotten three gifts from Christmas. Why? Because Jesus received three gifts. It also helps since I do not have a lot of money to spend on Christmas gifts. So, Happy Birthday Jesus, I just hope people can realize the Jesus is the reason for Christmas, not presents, trees, and lights.