R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I recently got reprimanded at work for not showing my supervisor’s respect. Honestly it was completely out of left field for me. I never thought I was disrespectful in any sense of the word. However, I have now started to reflect back on some of the things I have done in the past. When someone tells me to do something I often do it without saying anything. If the request is out of the ordinary I often ask why. Why… the one simple word that apparently shows disrespect.

The act of questioning a request never crossed my mind as being disrespectful but maybe it is the era I have grown up in. Of course when my mother told me to do something I never questioned her, but I also knew when she told/asked me to vacuum the living room it was because she was working two or three jobs and did not have time to get to it. As someone who has all the rules written in black and white right in front of my face, I tend to go with the rules.

When someone asks me to do something against those rules it is natural for me to ask.. why. Apparently I am not supposed to do that, if my superior is the one making the request, or dare I say demand. So, I am now in a position where I can knowingly break the rules because my superior told me to and possibly get in trouble. Or I can ask why, and get in trouble. Or I can say no, and be called disrespectful and still get in trouble. Why does it seem like there is no right answer here? I am now working while constantly watching my own back and depending on no one to help me in anyway.

 

 

New World, Old News

The theory that some people have of everyone putting a stop to racism, sexism, abuse, and other horrid things are just that... a theory. A theory that has no basis or truth in it. We are a nation of critics. Many of us (including me) find it disgusting to live in a world where horrible things will never cease; unfortunately this is the world we live in.

A world where people throw their newborns in trash cans, shoot children, participate in mass shootings, ect. Let’s take the Steubenville rape case for example. Two boys, ages 16 and 17 raped a girl and videotaped it. Not only did they video tape it but other people did as well. Others also took pictures and posted them online. The video of the rape was posted on YouTube… I am not sure what I find more disturbing the fact that is was broadcasted on the internet, or the fact that there were a bunch of people around and no ONE person stood up!! Not one person in the place had a back bone to stand up for this 16 yr old girl who was lying unconscious.

Next we have Detroit. Number 4 on the list of ten of the worst places to live, and the only place that was on the list because of crime rate. From Monday March 25th at 6am-Tuesday March 26th at 6am there have been seven shootings.. yes I said SEVEN!! In the past 24 hours. It goes to show the world is not getting better or learning from past mistakes. We are just creating new ones. A toddler was shot and killed after his mother did not give to KIDS her money, the money she did NOT have. What a sick sick world we live in.

A sick world that is forever changing and usually not for the good.  

 

 

Our Messed Up System

In my mind I had this idea to go to graduate school. I was so excited when I found the college that was perfect for me. It is online, non-profit, and I can finish in a year. Also, the cost was not very high compared to the price of my Bachelors. My BAS in Human Services and Victim/Survivor services cost me around 35,000 dollars. My Master’s degree in HS and marriage and family counseling would only be 14,000. I say “only” very lightly because that is actually a LOT of money, but cheap as far as higher education in the US. After finding the school, applying, and getting accepted I found out the bad news.

Apparently I do not qualify for federal assistance because I have a Bachelor’s degree. In fact, my fafsa stated “You do not qualify for grants because you have an undergraduate degree. You do not qualify because you are seeking a graduate degree.” Ugh!!  Now I am searching online for scholarships, grants, and loans for graduate degrees. So far I have not had much luck. I have applied for several scholarships in the past but have never received them. This year I am going to do a different route and choose essay scholarships. Hopefully I will obtain some money for school.

If I do not receive the funds my education will be at a standstill. I cannot afford to pay the money out of pocket. So without some aid I will just have to stick with my Bachelor’s. Maybe I will be one of those people who go back to school at the age of 40 because I MAY be able to afford it by then.

 I find it so frustrating that as a middle class family I cannot afford to attend college, nor do I qualify for assistance. However, if I quit my job and live off the government I can get all my school paid for. Too bad I have values and self-worth…

Going Green

So I decided on going a little bit more green. I am not the type of person to drive an electric car. Not saying I wouldn’t I just can’t afford one!!! I also like to be able to pass people at a reasonable speed rather than slowly creep past them long enough for them to memorize my face. Hence, my ability to be pulled over twice in two days. Although that was completely off track of what I was initially going to talk about, so back to the original topic of this particular blog. Going green.

Anyway, my first step is homemade laundry soap. I have heard many people talk about using it and how it works, so I have decided to jump on this bandwagon. I am tired of paying 20 dollars or more for laundry detergent that barely gets my clothes clean. I am allergic to most detergents so I have to us a hypo allergic form of soap. So, I am going to try to make my own.

Ingredients are: boarx, hammer super wash baking soda, fels-naptha laundry bar soap

Things you need: a cheese grader, bowl, and an air tight container to store the soap in.

So, it seems pretty simple, and like I said, many people say it works. I will be the next person to make my own soap and save money.. maybe… I am not sure how it will go but the items needed are only going to cost me about 10 dollars. The actually ingredients are only about 6.50 but I have to buy a cheese grader. I have no idea why I don’t own one.. apparently I never have needed one in the 8 years I have lived with my husband.

Anyway, I will let you know how it goes as soon as I find the time between two jobs and grad school to mix it up! Then maybe I will try to make my own shampoo and conditioner.

They Say It's Your Birthday

10 more days… 10 more days until I turn one year older. My birthday usually consists of me going to work. Or it has since I started working at a young age. I don’t know what it is about birthdays but I don’t like them, at least when they are mine. I feel like the day should be special and it never is. Or at least it does not reach my level of special. When I was younger I always wondered if the man known as my father would call, or forget me. My mother could do something really special and it still wouldn’t meet the “special” criteria because the phone call never came.

As I got older my birthdays became less important. The important birthdays were those of my child and my friend’s children. Of course I would still text my friends, call, or facebook them on their birthdays but it really does become about the kids.

Last year I worked (of course), and I was not very happy with myself. I felt like I had not accomplished much in my life. This year I am happy to have accomplished so much in the past year. Honestly it has been a year of changes, and I am sure there are many more to come.

My birthday will be here in Feb 21^st and I will be 27 years old. Not very old in many people’s minds but I often feel the numbers do not match my mind. I will of course be working all day, but that is fine. I have the weekend after my birthday to celebrate. And celebrate I will because I planned my own “special” time this year and I look forward to it!

It Is My Right

Well, New York you have officially become the first state to give Obama a high five and get on his gun ban ”wagon”. Since I do not live in New York, it really does not affect me. However, if this is something all states are going to start passing I may be in a bit of trouble. According to the New York Post the new ban in New York not only bans assault rifles but also requires that a gun cannot hold more than 7 bullets. Hate to tell you New York, but it only takes one bullet to kill a person.

I am a supporter of the right to bear arms. I am not a supporter of nut jobs killing people. Nor am I a supporter of mass shootings. However, I would like to be able to defend myself if I ever find myself in a situation in which I need to. Granted, I only need one bullet strategically placed to kill someone, it would still be a pain to get all new guns because mine do not meet regulations.

I understand the fear people have of “assault” rifles and guns in general. Having the right to bear arms is something Americans fight for. We fight for the right to defend ourselves and our families. The government will not step in if I am being attacked. The government will not step in if my house is being broken into. The government will not step in if someone is holding my son hostage. It is my right to defend, and sometimes that means using a gun.

 I could take years of karate, judo, or other defense classes but it would not protect me from all things. Imagine if my 5ft 3 self was attacked in a parking lot by a man who was 6ft 3 250lbs and his intent was to rape me. The self defense classes may be able to hold him off for a little bit, but he would keep coming. I could scream for help, but what if no one heard me. I could scream no but what if he didn’t listen. Now… if I pulled out my .380 and pointed it at him, he may change his mind. If the government takes my right to own a firearm, they are leaving me like raw meat to a lion.

Many have said it, and many more will… but… the “bad guys” will get guns no matter what kind of ban if put in place. Criminals break laws, that is why they are criminals. It is the people who follow the laws that fall victim. Giving up our guns will not stop violence, I feel it may increase it.

My Body My Canvas

My body is my canvas;

The canvas tells my story;

Permanently inked;

Marked by my choice;

Beautiful on the outside;

Hides ugly stories inside;

My artful expression;

Left to interpretation;

Judge me not;

You do not know my story.