Think about it

Think about it.....

Infidelity… Fixable?

Confession: I am a Netflix junkie. I don’t feel right in saying movie junkie since most of the movies you can view on Netflix are not popular movies. Of course there are those good oldies that everyone has seen a hundreds of times. However, most of the movies provided for instant watching are generally from independent films, like the one I watched yesterday; which brings me to the interesting things this movie brought up. To those who are curious the movie was The Ugly People. I do not recommend it, for it was not that entertaining.

In one part of the movie there are two people having a conversation... (original huh). Anyway, they are friends from back in college and the male has just found out the female is cheating on her husband and has been for a while. He tells her that an affair is not an act of selfishness but shows that they are lonely. He then goes on to say it is caused by both people in the marriage 50/50. So, if you cheat you aren’t selfish you are lonely.

So, that brings me to thoughts on infidelity. For me, I can see the lonely aspect of things. In a relationship, partnership, and/or marriage, it certainly requires both parties to be vested. However, just because someone feels lonely doesn’t give them the right to cheat. Let’s take the spouses of soldiers for an example. If their spouse is deployed they are going to get lonely, yet they still manage to remain faithful. Well, some manage to remain faithful and others do not. This can’t be blamed all on loneliness though. For me it brings up self-control.

We are all human and crave attention and positive comments. It is always nice to hear something nice about yourself and often times hearing it from the gender you are attracted to makes it better. So how do we stop ourselves from developing feelings for someone who is paying attention and who is accessible? Is it human nature to seek those positive feelings? I think so. I think we all crave that and want it. Even the most hateful person still searches for someone who will make them feel better about themselves. So, if spouses offered this would we still seek it elsewhere? I would like to think that we would not. If we are in a relationship where all our needs are being meet then the likely hood of stepping outside that relationship decreases. So, the thought of someone in a relationship not turning to another does makes it a 50/50 thing. Half of the relationship has to put forth more effort to satisfy their half and the other half has to practice some self-control and realize there is NO perfect relationship. Movies are just that… movies, written by someone using fantasy, not real life.

Knowing this, why do we continue to struggle with divorce, break-ups, and single parenthood? My theory… we don’t try. Often after marriage people just let things fall away. Those little romantic things we once did are no longer important. The children need something, the house needs something, or our jobs demand something, so our significant other suffers. What would it take for people to do this… a few minutes to say something nice? Seems worth it to me.

Necessary Evil

The necessary evil of non-profits… grant writing! Grant writing is not the hardest thing, it is finding grants and getting them that is hard to do. As a non profit we offer services free to all the families we see. So, every forensic interview we conduct is free to the family. We have to find a way to pay our utilities, buy office supplies, and pay our employees on our own. It seems to be harder and harder to find money. Many places will give money to purchase something for our CAC but not to actually help it stay up and running. Although it is nice to have a new computer, or other machine, it really does not help the families we serve. Also, our location is a down fall. Southeast Kansas is not highly populated and the population is mostly at the poverty level, so asking people for money does not seem appropriate.

So this is where fundraising comes in. However, with that you have to be very careful. The hours you spend on fundraising cannot be used for your pay if the pay you receive is funded by a grant. Also, materials for fundraising cannot be purchased with funds that were not given for fundraising. It really is confusing!!!

Let me tell you a little about our non profit though. Our non profit is Children’s Advocacy Center, Inc located in Pittsburg, Kansas (extreme southeast Kansas). We offer forensic interviews, court advocacy, and anything else we can do to help families. We serve children who have been physically, emotionally, and sexual abused. We also see children who have been neglected and/or witnesses to a crime or abuse. The majority of the children we see are sexually abused. As a forensic interviewer I talk to the children and it is recorded so the attorney prosecuting the case can see what the child said and hopefully from the things the child told us evidence can be found. For instance, if the child said they were wearing a certain shirt and the perpetrator left some sort of fluid on the shirt, it could be used for evidence. You would think working with children we would see more money from the federal government or state government but that does not happen. We do get funding from the state and federal but it funds about 1/3 of our non profit.

Many times people say to me “I don’t know how you do that job” My reply “If I didn’t do it, who would”

I have also posted the link to our website if you want to see more of what the CAC does.

http://www.cacpittsburg.org/

You can also find us on facebok at: https://www.facebook.com/#!/CACPittsburgKS

Making Money

Sometimes I wonder if I take on a bit too much. As of now I am working two full time jobs and then doing some photography on the side. At the ripe age of 27 I should be working a day job and be home with my family at night, but that is not the case. I often wonder why I do this to myself.

The full time day job I have is amazing and I love it! I love the work I do, I love the people, and I LOVE my boss! I just wish the money was enough to pay my bills plus the gas money it takes to drive 38 miles one way to work. My night job is the job I have had for seven years. For me leaving is hard because not only am I comfortable but I am also loyal. I know that if I leave they would have to go through the hiring process which can take up to six months, and in that time everyone else would have to work overtime. So, there is a part of me that feels for my co-workers.

Family seems to be the deciding factor though and location. If I stay with the day job that means moving my son to a different school, selling my house, moving to a different town and my husband would have to change jobs. Pros would be: home every night with my family, holidays off, and weekends off. To be honest I have never actually worked a “day job”. I have always been on midnights or evenings shifts at every place I work. So my first day job is being a forensic interviewer and it is awesome. Just wish the money was a bit better.

Money… I knew my degree in human services was not going to make me a lot of money. On top of that I got my letter from my student loans... they want me to pay 356 dollars a month!!! WOW! Now, I live in a different place than most but rent here is about 350 a month. So, there is no way I can pay an additional house payment with one paycheck. In the end my friends it looks like I will continue to work these two jobs until things are paid off or until I get fired from one.

Click, click, click

Being the creative little soul that I am I have been dabbling in photography for a time now. However, I have now decided to take it up a notch. I have started my own website. Yes, that is what I said my own website.

I am not your average photographer. You will not see very many pictures of families, or children on my page. Looking for the beauty in nature is more my thing. When I say beauty I don't mean gorgeous views from mountain tops, although there may be a few, I am talking about the everyday things we see. I tend to look at things in a different way than most.

Some people see trees and walk on by. I see trees and think about a lovely they are as the rays of sun passes through the leaves. Yeah... I am one of those "hippie" types. But anyway I just wanted to share my photography page on here. So below you will find the link. Check it out if you want, if you dont want to than don't....


http://mrsjuliabentley.wix.com/jbphotography#



There are no bad pictures; that's just how your face looks sometimes.”
― Abraham Lincoln

Business

So I have just returned home from Washington DC. The Nations capital. I was honored to attend a leadership conference for my job as a forensic interviewer and child advocate. I was able to learn several things and hope to bring most of them back to my agency.

On this trip I was able to take my husband which was also nice. However, since I was in class most of the day he was out by himself seeing the sights. To be honest I don't think he actually minded that much because he was able to go see whatever he wanted on his own time. He had the chance to see many things but I was unable to see much.  However, there were a few things I did get to see.

On the second day of the conferene we had Hill Day visits. Since I am from Kansas my group was assinged to see Senator Pat Roberts, but since he was busy we spoke with one of his staff members instead. The focus of our conversation was about funding for Children's services being zeroed from the budget by the President. Instead of giving money to us they are going to use the money to build a new prison and use the money for offenders. We have been given this money for 22 years and have proven year after year that we are making progress in the fight against child abuse. We were also able to meet Congresswoman Lynn Jenkins. She was unaware of the current bill but is aware now and is on our side. Such a huge thing for us!

Before coming home my husband and I made the trip to Arlington. It was beautiful and sad. The man we spoke with stated there were about 27 full honors funerals a day!!! I couldn't imagine working in a place so sad. The rows of graves took on so much beauty yet so much sadness. I was not ble to see a lot in DC but being able to visit Arlington was worth more than seeing the White House any day.

The Day of Mothers

It is almost the day to honor our mothers. Mothers by birth, by blood, or just by being the mother figure in someone’s life are the qualifications. As mothers we are depended on to do so many things, yet they do not seem like much because it is just our job. The job of mom is so broad I would not be able to even list the things we do.

I was very blessed to have an amazing mother. My mom taught me to work hard, be independent, how to love, show compassion, and many more things. As the daughter of a single mother I am possibly a bit more independent than most females. My mom often tells me to slow down, or that I take too much on. Mom, I learned from the best. I remember you working more than one job and sometimes three jobs. I remember when you were off you always tried to do something with us, even if it was weeding the garden at the same time. By the way that was horrible and children should not have to weed a garden that is 10ft by 10ft. (That is probably an exaggeration but it seemed like it).

So as a mother I try to make sure I am providing for my child and giving him the extra things. My mom worked hard to give us the minimum and I am forever grateful for that. For me.. well I am want to give more. I know money is not the most important thing, but I think experiences are. I want my son to experience arcades, toys, trips, and other material things and if I can provide those things and still pay my bills then those things he shall have. However, I also want to provide him with tools to learn respect, love, compassion, and self control.

So, I raise my glass (of water) in a toast to mothers everywhere.. no one understands our jobs except us!