One word cannot describe who I am. I am very complex but simple, loud but quiet... I am a constant contradiction to myself.

Friday, December 28, 2012

No Shame in My Game

As the year is coming to an end I find myself looking back at what I have done. Have I done anything significant? Maybe I have. I have taken time to play with my son. When I say play I do not mean be at home while he plays in his room. I mean getting on the floor and playing games. We have played cards, board games, cars, and of course the ever so blessedly invented Legos. It may not be significant to others, but it certainly was to me.
I have made my life by working hard and continue to do so. I look at my 5 year old son and smile because he is a part of me. His laugh is contagious and his sense of humor is fantastic. I am not even sure how I received such a large blessing but I am forever grateful to God for thinking I did deserve him.
I have also taken time to have a few date nights with my husband. Although those have been few and far between they were still important to me. Once we went to see a movie and he slept through the whole thing. Although I found myself wondering why I just paid 8 dollars for him to have a nap. I realized he was tired and probably did not want to go but went anyway for me. Thus making it significant to me.
As my life has passed by quickly and not without pain I also know I am the cause of some of that pain. I have hurt people in my life and will forever be sorry. However, I do not regret the mistakes I made. The mistakes made me and continue to make me who I am. I would not be me without my flaws mixed in. I think things would be easier and love would flow with more ease, but life it what you make it. There are things I have done that I would never want anyone to know, but if someone asks me about it, the truth they shall receive. I cannot hide from things I have done because they would be sure to sneak up on me. My life now is wonderful and past offenses are forgotten because there is no shame in my game.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

I Am Getting You NOTHING For Christmas

Ah Christmas. The time of year we all spend hundreds of dollars to buy gifts for people who probably only see once a year. I find myself thinking about getting them nothing. Not to be malicious or rude but just because what is the point? I buy them some little thing that I can barely afford, they say thank you, and then we do not speak again until the next Christmas. Usually the gift I get them is something they will never even use, because how am I suppose to know about their life when we only see each other that one time I year.
                Now the kids are different right? Everyone buys for kids. The problem there is I cannot ever remember how old they are, or what their names are, because as stated before, I see them once a year. I walked into Christmas dinner today and my niece looked at me and said, “Who are you?” I looked back at her and said, “Don’t worry you only see me once a year.” Now, as I talk about this I am talking about extended family that lives farther away. The family that lives close I know them, and see them often so it is easier to buy for them.
                But.. why am I buying gifts? I can barely afford to get my son the three gifts he gets from “santa” every year. So, it may make some people mad this year or they may not even care but they aren’t getting gifts from me. I will make something to bring to dinner and that will be my contribution.
                Gifts for Christmas are becoming more and more over rated. My son is 5 years old and since he was born he has gotten three gifts from Christmas. Why? Because Jesus received three gifts. It also helps since I do not have a lot of money to spend on Christmas gifts. So, Happy Birthday Jesus, I just hope people can realize the Jesus is the reason for Christmas, not presents, trees, and lights.