One word cannot describe who I am. I am very complex but simple, loud but quiet... I am a constant contradiction to myself.

Monday, October 14, 2013

Infidelity… Fixable?

Confession: I am a Netflix junkie. I don’t feel right in saying movie junkie since most of the movies you can view on Netflix are not popular movies. Of course there are those good oldies that everyone has seen a hundreds of times. However, most of the movies provided for instant watching are generally from independent films, like the one I watched yesterday; which brings me to the interesting things this movie brought up. To those who are curious the movie was The Ugly People. I do not recommend it, for it was not that entertaining.
In one part of the movie there are two people having a conversation... (original huh). Anyway, they are friends from back in college and the male has just found out the female is cheating on her husband and has been for a while. He tells her that an affair is not an act of selfishness but shows that they are lonely. He then goes on to say it is caused by both people in the marriage 50/50. So, if you cheat you aren’t selfish you are lonely.

So, that brings me to thoughts on infidelity. For me, I can see the lonely aspect of things. In a relationship, partnership, and/or marriage, it certainly requires both parties to be vested. However, just because someone feels lonely doesn’t give them the right to cheat. Let’s take the spouses of soldiers for an example. If their spouse is deployed they are going to get lonely, yet they still manage to remain faithful. Well, some manage to remain faithful and others do not. This can’t be blamed all on loneliness though. For me it brings up self-control.

We are all human and crave attention and positive comments. It is always nice to hear something nice about yourself and often times hearing it from the gender you are attracted to makes it better. So how do we stop ourselves from developing feelings for someone who is paying attention and who is accessible? Is it human nature to seek those positive feelings? I think so. I think we all crave that and want it. Even the most hateful person still searches for someone who will make them feel better about themselves. So, if spouses offered this would we still seek it elsewhere? I would like to think that we would not. If we are in a relationship where all our needs are being meet then the likely hood of stepping outside that relationship decreases. So, the thought of someone in a relationship not turning to another does makes it a 50/50 thing. Half of the relationship has to put forth more effort to satisfy their half and the other half has to practice some self-control and realize there is NO perfect relationship. Movies are just that… movies, written by someone using fantasy, not real life.

Knowing this, why do we continue to struggle with divorce, break-ups, and single parenthood? My theory… we don’t try. Often after marriage people just let things fall away. Those little romantic things we once did are no longer important. The children need something, the house needs something, or our jobs demand something, so our significant other suffers. What would it take for people to do this… a few minutes to say something nice? Seems worth it to me.

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