One word cannot describe who I am. I am very complex but simple, loud but quiet... I am a constant contradiction to myself.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Reflections on Haiti

We when made it through custums and were walking to our ride to the mission I was overwhelmed. It was a shock to see so many Haitian's trying to get money or yelling from a fence. When we boarded the bus there was a Haitian man on the other side of the fence who kept yelling at me. "Misses, I love you, you are beautiful" lol. We then left the airport and started driving through Port-au-Prince to the mission, I was looking out the window thinking...what have I got myself into. There were children running up to the bus asking for money. I badly wanted to hand them a dollar but was reminded by our team leader it would not be a good idea because then they would all start coming at the bus. So, i simply told them no, smiled and waved.

I was surprised of how great the mission was. We were showed to our room, which had air conditioning and real mattresses! I was pretty stoked about that! At this point, I was thinking, Haiti does not seem to bad. So, we had dinner then off to bed for church in the morning. Sunday morning we entered the church and it was packed full of people. They started singing songs I did not know, and did not understand. However, my body responded to the music and I could not help but to sway with the incredible music, and knew God was in this place. I also got to sing for the congregation at the church and it was so amazing to just let my voice go. Many times I find myself making sure the pitch is just right, the words are what they are supposed to be, and so on. But this time I just did what I felt. On the second verse I sang the wrong words but I never stopped. I just belted out the words I felt in my heart and let my voice carry throughout the church. I felt marvelous after finishing.

Monday was day one of clinics and I was not sure what I would do. I am not medically trained, so I would be no help in surgeries, because of the language barrier I would be no help trying to find out what patients needed...so for the first couple hours I just stood around thinking...now what??? But then Kelly was sterilizing tools  inbetween surgeries and I was like, oh I can do that. So, Kelly gave me some brief information on what I needed to do, so I began. Little did I know this would become my job in the clinic, but I loved it. You would thinking cleaning tools with blood on them would not be my thing, but there I was, just cleaning right along!

The next day, I asked Dr. Fogarty if I could watch her deliver a baby. She said, sure come on. Wow! What an amazing thing to watch. I got to watch twins born and I got to hold twin number one while twin number two was making her way into the world feet first. It was heartbreaking to me that they mother did not want to hold the babies. I tried to give her twin number one after twin two came out but she simply waved me off. There were no smiles from the mother, as one would expect. She never took the children into her arms until she was in the recovery room and had to nurse them. My heart was breaking for this two young infants we just began there life, and already were not greeted with a smile and hugs from the mother. They did however get many hugs and smiles from the team.

So, VBS was next were we walked into a concrete building were kids were cram packed into rooms. It was great to see their little faces light up as we walked in. Each child got toothpaste, tooth brush, floss, crayons, coloring pages, and some other things! They were grateful for those little things, we often take for granted. I got to thinking about my little man at home who has boxes of crayons, markers, and coloring books. I am not sad that my child has "so much" but happy that I can give that to him.

Thursday was another day of clinic but I did not watch many surgeries because I was talking with Johnny. He was one of the interpreters. Johnny gave me some insight about marriage. My husband and I have been having some rough times, and I thought i was just done with it all. I had divorce papers drawn up with division of property and custody arrangements already made out. But after talking with johnny I realized something...I was giving up too easy. In America it is so common for people to just give up on their marriage and get a divorce. But i didn't want to become that statistic, or that person who just gave up. Johnny told me, he would marry his friend,  then they would become his lover, and he would marry for life. He told me if his wife left he would follow her wherever she went. Married people have to work through there differences, not just give up on them. Thanks Johnny!!!!

Haiti taught me about another culture, about Haitian people, but most important it taught me about myself. I have always had a love for God, and known He was the reason. My relationship with God has always been good and I know it will always be. But I was beginning to lose myself a little. I became a woman who went to work, took care of house, had a three year old, and was a wife. But those things were just descriptions, they did not define who I was. Haiti gave me a chance to find me. I am....a mother, a wife, a friend of God, a woman who has the heart to give all she can, someone who is stronger than she knew, and many more things. You see, Haiti taught me about me. Our team helped many people, and we gave kids some hygience items, and we touched hearts. But nothing has ever touched my heart like the Haitian people.

When we first got there, many of the team who went the first time said they were glad to be back home. At the time I thought they were just a little silly....but boy was I wrong. I am here in home number one in Kansas but my home number two is in Haiti and I hope to go back soon!

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